Helping Her with Friendship Pitfalls

Now that the school year is in full swing, you may notice that your daughter is already having some friendship issues. Whether it’s getting caught in the middle, having your BFF suddenly ignore you or not getting invited to a get together, your daughter might be feeling the ground shifting under her feet. Here are three suggestions to keep her grounded during the ups and downs of friendships:

• Listen. Give her a safe space to let it all hang out — the good and the bad, even if it changes hourly. Listening doesn’t necessarily mean offering advice. Ask her if she wants to hear your suggestions.
• Don’t be too negative. Imagine your friend had a not-so-great boyfriend and you told her all the things you didn’t like about him. Would you expect her to thank you for showing her the light? No. Your daughter is no different. You don’t want her to clam up on you. If you let her know how much you dislike her friend, she is bound to withhold information from you which will keep you from creating a bond with her and possibly helping her if needed.
• Hold up a mirror. Ask her non-judgmental questions from a place of genuine curiosity: What is this friend giving you? What do you like about her? What are you looking for in a friend? When is the last time this friend showed you those qualities? Teach her to listen to her inner voice (aka her heart or gut) so she knows when it’s time to let go, make a change or have a tough conversation.